HANDLING IT

I'm not sure where I first heard the expression that "God only gives you what you can handle."  I quote it all the time.  I quote it mostly to convince people that they can get through whatever curveballs life has thrown their way.  But I also quote it because I have seen so many situations where people are spared something that I don't think they could manage, or they are given just enough that they are close to breaking but won't.

My mother can handle this.  I know she can.  And so, this is further evidence in support of the quote.  For example, everyone who knows my parents would say that it is far better for my mother to have this diagnosis than my father.  She is far better at taking each day as it comes, and rolling with the punches.

I wonder, though, if sometimes she feels like she has to live up to her reputation for being able to do that, even when she can't.  If she is being the strong one because that's what we all know her to be, and that's what she expects of herself.  I suspect that sometimes she wonders if she actually can handle it, although that isn't something she would ever let us see.

I wish the quote were different.  I don't want the people in my life to just handle it.  Handling it suggests holding on for dear life with eyes clenched until it is over and you can take a deep breath.  I want better than that for the people I love.  Is that a crazy idea?  Is it inappropriate to wish for joy through adversity?  Can we do better?

At times like this, it is normal to seek explanation in a higher power.  Like this is all being handed to us as part of a master plan that was thoughtfully calculated by someone who knows our strengths and weaknesses and has a grand master plan for our destiny.  It brings to mind another cliche that everything happens for a reason.  Don't use that on someone facing serious adversity unless they are a strong believer.  That one makes a lot of people angry. It kind of depends on what you think of as a reason, I guess.

Whatever the reason and whatever the journey, I want my mom to be able to be her true self through it all.  I want her to let go and cry, clench up and scream, release and breath, let loose and laugh. I want her to reach the point that many people don't find until they are much, much older than she.  I want her to just be- not necessarily with detachment, but with a kind of wisdom that let's her feel it all and still think it is okay.  And of course, I also wish that for myself.